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Jennifer Hudson’s mother, brother and nephew were brutally murdered back in 2008 and now the actress/singer is speaking out. According to

“It’s all a blur, it was surreal,” she says on VH1’s Behind the Music: Jennifer Hudson on Monday night. “It was like I was outside of myself.”

“For almost two weeks straight . . . [I was] inside one room with just family and friends coming in and out,” she says. “I prayed when I’d get up in the morning and prayed before I laid down at night.”

This was one of the saddest things I had to cover. Death is no joke, it’s real emotions, and real people. A lot of time we tend to forget that our favorite celebrities are human just like you and I. Jennifer Hudson says “I feel like I’ve lived about three or four different lives,” she goes on to say her son reminds her of her nephew. Jennifer also says her son “makes me feel like the most special person on earth. I want him to get the same love and the same upbringing my mother gave us.”