Read:Claim Your Self Worth Back!

Now, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I know that not all men operate in the same manner as these “gentlemen,” because at the very least, I know a few individuals who are the exception. Nonetheless I was surprised by what the men described believed would pass for a decent approach.

The overarching problem seemed to be that the men didn’t respect the women for who they were; the men were too focused on what they could get instead of what they could give. They weren’t genuinely interested in the woman — who she was, what she wanted out of life, where she was going, what she was doing — they were focused on what was in her pants, what was in her blouse, and how they could use those things for their own pleasure.

You see, men, a woman will never respect you, if you don’t first respect her. Regardless of whether or not she treats herself with respect and dignity, you as a man, should respect her. Period. Wouldn’t you want men to respect your mother, your daughter, or your sister? She is someone’s mother, daughter, or sister. Respect her because you would want it done to yours.

You will never violate, or have a fling with, or one night stand with someone you respect. If you don’t respect them, well, you’ll do just about anything to them.

The problem lies in that we often don’t understand that we were not designed to jump from partner to partner like a game of hopscotch; we were created to partner and bond with one person for the rest of our lives (that’s where the whole “till death do us part” thing comes into play). Without a proper understanding of the type of relationships that we were made for, we’ll constantly be misplacing our efforts into relationships where there is no respect, mutual or otherwise.

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If I know that I could potentially be spending the rest of my life with you, how can I not respect you from the jump? The commitment demands I respect, not only you, but myself, and the relationship, and the potential which lies within it.

What I learned from the conversation was this: The foundation of any relationship should be friendship. And inherent with friendship, comes respect. You cannot be friends with someone and not respect them. It just doesn’t work.

[Written by Stuart McDonald for Elev8.com. For more from Stuart, check out his personal blog, follow him on Twitter, and connect with him on Facebook.]

Each year on February 14 we peruse the store shelves for the perfect gift or card for a loved one. According to Hallmark, more than 163 million cards—not including packaged kids’ valentines—are exchanged. And it’s not just an American phenomenon. Valentine’s Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France, Australia, Italy and Denmark.

But why? How did this holiday of love and romance originate and, more importantly, how did St. Valentine become involved? The answers to those questions are not easy ones. Valentine’s Day is a holiday shrouded in mystery and legend.

The origins of St. Valentine’s Day lie in the ancient Roman fertility festival Lupercalia, which was celebrated on February 15. During the festival, young women would place their names in a large urn. The young men would draw a name from the urn and then be romantically linked with that young woman for the following year. Still other legends cite the fact that February 14 marked the date when birds began mating.

A quick quiz: St. Valentine was:

a)  a priest in the Roman Empire who helped persecuted Christians during the reign of Claudius II, was thrown in jail and later beheaded on Feb. 14.

b)  a Catholic bishop of Terni who was beheaded, also during the reign of Claudius II.

c)  someone who secretly married couples when marriage was forbidden, or suffered in Africa, or wrote letters to his jailer’s daughter, and was probably beheaded.

d)  all, some, or possibly none of the above.

If you guessed d), give yourself a box of chocolates. Although the mid-February holiday celebrating love and lovers remains wildly popular, the confusion over its origins led the Catholic Church, in 1969, to drop St. Valentine’s Day from the Roman calendar of official, worldwide Catholic feasts. (Those highly sought-after days are reserved for saints with more clear historical record. After all, the saints are real individuals for us to imitate.) Some parishes, however, observe the feast of St. Valentine.

The roots of St. Valentine’s Day lie in the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, which was celebrated on Feb. 15. For 800 years the Romans had dedicated this day to the god Lupercus. On Lupercalia, a young man would draw the name of a young woman in a lottery and would then keep the woman as a sexual companion for the year.

Pope Gelasius I was, understandably, less than thrilled with this custom. So he changed the lottery to have both young men and women draw the names of saints whom they would then emulate for the year (a change that no doubt disappointed a few young men). Instead of Lupercus, the patron of the feast became Valentine. For Roman men, the day continued to be an occasion to seek the affections of women, and it became a tradition to give out handwritten messages of admiration that included Valentine’s name.

There was also a conventional belief in Europe during the Middle Ages that birds chose their partners in the middle of February. Thus the day was dedicated to love, and people observed it by writing love letters and sending small gifts to their beloved. Legend has it that Charles, duke of Orleans, sent the first real Valentine card to his wife in 1415, when he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. (He, however, was not beheaded, and died a half-century later of old age.)

source:  elev8.com

A listener concerned about a family member in another state called to share the story.

A female Pastor in a growing ministry was told by her husband of two years that he no longer believes in female Pastors. They have children and the church is prospering and funding their home and vehicles. He had told her that he loves her and wants their marriage to work, and that he believes that God calls women in certain leadership capacities but not as Pastors. During marriage counceling before they got married, he stated he understood her ministry and that he was “icing on the cake.”  He has since left her church and back to his old church to serve as a deacon.

Should she continue to Pastor and possibly lose her husband or pull back in her ministry to minister more to her husband?

In a recent interview with CNN’s Frederica Whitfield to promote his new book, “Straight Talk, No Chaser,” morning show radio host and author, Steve Harvey, breaks it down as why men and women can’t just be “friends.”

Click on the link below and see if you agree:

http://itsikespace.com/profiles/blog/show?id=2069665%3ABlogPost%3A106123

source: eurweb.com

The question on a lot of women’s minds, whether white or black, is to be married or not to be married? But there’s a problem when black women shoulder the burden of the plight of the black community falling behind in education, but offering skyrocketing crime and more unwed mothers. There are crusaders on both sides of the debate that black women should marry, but the consensus appears to be that black women do not want to be held accountable for what they feel is a shortage of black men to marry. According to MSNBC, the statistics are as follows: “The black community’s 72 percent rate eclipses that of most other groups: 17 percent of Asians, 29 percent of whites, 53 percent of Hispanics and 66 percent of Native Americans were born to unwed mothers in 2008, the most recent year for which government figures are available. The rate for the overall U.S. population was 41 percent.” In addition to those numbers, the black professional woman is even more singled out, (no pun intended), with 70 percent of them being unmarried. Crusaders like Dr. Natalie Carroll, an ob/gyn in Houston that encourages her unwed patients to marry and Christelyn Karazin, who started out as a single mother, is married to a white man and has four children, her first when she was unwed. She has put together a movement supported by 100 writers and activists for the online movement No Wedding No Womb, which according to MSNBC, she calls “a very simplified reduction of a very complicated issue.” Her initiative has been widely criticized. Both women find it absolutely necessary and detrimental to the black community for black women to marry and offer their child a mother and a father. Amy Wax, is a white woman and law professor at the University of Pennsylvania, whose written the book “Race, Wrongs and Remedies: Group Justice in the 21st Century.” She too feels that black women should marry to save the community. She goes as far as to say: “Blacks as a group will never be equal while they have this situation going on, where the vast majority of children do not have fathers in the home married to their mother, involved in their lives, investing in them, investing in the next generation.” Now what do you say ladies? Let us know what YOU think!

I was always told “In order to have a friend you must first learn to be a friend.” 

An African proverb tells us, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

1.  Value all your relationships

2.  Interacting with a variety of people boosts your immune system and increases your chances of success.

3.  We can stretch ourselves with acquaintances and move beyond familiar roles.

4.  Regularly recruit new friends who have the expertise, experience, or empathy we need. It also expands our circle of friends and acquaintances.

5.  When the going gets rough, turn to an objective observer.

6.  Make the most of casual encounters as you go through your day. Say a few words to the checker at the supermarket. Call him or her by name. Make small talk with your dentist’s receptionist. All these small encounters in the world can strengthen your ability to communicate and, ultimately, help you build friendships that make your life easier.

source: Elev8.com

If you’re a man, I’m sure you’ve thought about how complex women are. How they simply can’t be figured out. How they do the most bizarre things, for unknown reasons. (If you’re a woman, it’s likely you agree.) If you have, then you will find this next statement confusing and perplexing. Women are not as complicated as you think they are. They’re actually rather simple.

Before you brush me off as a lunatic, hear me out. The primary reason that men and women don’t understand one another is because they don’t take the time to truly try. Within that context, we have to understand that men’s and women’s brains simply process information differently. The exact same even could happen to a man and to a woman and you would likely have two entirely different responses. As such, we have to work to understand where the opposite sex is coming from.

In the next several posts (because this topic is simply too long for only one post), I’m specifically addressing the men out there who are in relationships — spouses, boyfriends, fiancees, etc. If you’re single and reading this, my hope is that you’d take note for the future. My goal here is to better help the men understand the women in their lives so they may more effectively care for them, love them, and grow into a deeper relationship with each other.

Before I start, let me give you a quick disclaimer: I will generalize most women in the following paragraphs. Yes, I understand that not all women want these things out of relationships, but it is more worthwhile to inform the gentlemen about the majority of women than the few for whom these things are not true. I’m not an expert with formal training of any sort — I’m simply an observer, and a learner. The following is what I have gleaned from my experiences and those of others, combined with the wisdom of professionals. (Once I finish this series, I will give you a few resources that will further your learning.)

Men, there are a few basic things that women want, and need, from their relationships with you, as their significant other. Without further ado, here is the first of three things women want:

She wants her feelings to be heard and understood, not solved.

Men, I understand that we naturally like to solve problems. It’s what we do. When your woman tells you about a problem at work, or a problem with her mother, you instantly begin creating solutions, don’t you? (I know you do because I do it too.) Well, stop. Or at least stop telling her what those solutions are unless she asks you to. She doesn’t really care about them. What means more is that you listened to her and understand how she’s feeling, not that you’ve fixed the problem.

You may be asking yourself, “Why does she tell me all this stuff if she doesn’t want me to solve anything? This is a waste of my time.” It’s simple — she wants you to understand her feelings. Her sharing and your understanding brings you together on an emotional level (which is most important to her). She wants to tell you because she cares about you.

Don’t get it twisted — our logical, problem solving skills can still be utilized. In fact, she enjoys seeing you solve puzzles and problems; they just have to be on issues that don’t involve her emotions. Like the car making a weird sound. If she tells you, “Baby, my car made some kind of strange rattling sound today as I was driving home from work,” don’t ask her how that made her feel. Just get the problem fixed. If the problem is emotional, you listen; if it’s not, get it fixed.

If you’ve ever talked to your woman at the end of the day (or, heck, at any point in any day), you know that she’s got a lot to say (if she doesn’t, that’s a bad sign). It’s likely that a good portion of what she has to say concerns her emotions and how she was feelings while said events are going on. Of course, if you asked us, we’d give a one word answer that would frustrate her. But no, she’s different — she always has a lot to say. And while it might seem that most of what she has to say isn’t important to you, but it is very important to her. That’s why she’s sharing it with you — because she finds it important. She simply wants you to understand her problems; her perspective. With that said, it’s important that you listen.

Let her talk about anything and everything she desires (that includes you) and — here’s the key — listen to her. Focus on her. Make eye contact with her. Make her feel like she is the most important thing in your world at that moment. Turn off all the other distractions and pay attention. You can’t pay attention to her while you’re watching TV or texting someone on your phone. I don’t care if you think you can, she doesn’t see it that way. she wants you to devote and focus your attention on her for these few minutes.

(If, for some reason, you can’t give her that undivided attention at that moment, but, she wants to talk, it’s a good idea to say something like, “Baby, I understand you’re upset and I do want to listen to you, but I need about five minutes. Then, I’m all ears, ok?” Telling her that shows that you are interested in what she has to say, while also showing her that she’s important enough to give her your undivided attention).

Written by Stuart McDonald for Elev8.com.

Read more: http://elev8.com/spirit/daily-offerings/stuartmcdonald/men-shut-up-and-listen-what-women-want-part-one/#ixzz0yNlEXrGv

God puts people together in marriage–for mutual encouragement. An encouraged husband makes a great life partner–he’s more positive, responsive, and better equipped to work and serves your whole family.

 You have an incredible ability to “make or break” your husband’s day or week–or decade–by what you say and do. Here are a few ways to stand by your man and make him feel as though he’s the greatest.

 Say thanks.

If you find it hard to come up with ways to encourage your husband, saying thanks is a great place to start. Thank him for holding open a door, picking up the newspaper after he’s finished, or tucking your kids into bed.

Know your man.

What are his strong points? His weak ones? Become an expert on your spouse.

 Maybe your husband’s a wonderful father. Or maybe he’s a good financial provider.

Develop a sharp eye for noticing small steps in positive directions, then encourage your husband in them.

 Search for significance.

 God created us with a deep desire for meaning and significance. Maybe his significance is the kids or maybe your husband finds meaning in his job. So show interest in what goes on at his workplace: What challenges does he face, what new projects is he involved in, what goals must he meet?

 If you’ve never talked to your husband about why he thinks God put him in his job and in your family, ask him!

Dare to dream with him.

 Is there something your husband always longed to do when you were first married, but he’s stopped mentioning it now that you’re busy with bills and kids and ministry demands? What’s his dream for the future?

 Your support in listening to his dreams—and even enabling a few to come true—communicates your respect. Dreaming together is like marriage insurance: You’re blending your hopes for a shared future.

Be on his side.

 Keep thinking of you two as a lifelong team. So when your husband has a problem, it’s your problem, too. A husband longs for this kind of companionship—to know he’s not alone.

Get off your agenda and onto his.

 We get accustomed to organizing our family’s weekly menus, schedules, social calendars, and errands. So sometimes it may be hard to let go of the reins and let our husband “drive” some of the family time. Yet it may be as simple as starting one Saturday with a flexible attitude, prepared to rearrange our tasks and errands around his plans for the day.

Nothing shows our love and respect more than backing off to give our husband’s plans and ideas some room to develop.

Be available for physical intimacy.

 If you are coming together physically, it’s a good sign you’re working well as a team. It’s a signal (an encouragement!) to him that he’s doing fine at home.

 Don’t wait for your husband to “deserve it.”

 Maybe your husband takes you for granted. Maybe he never says thank you. So what I’m asking—for you to encourage and respect him anyway—seems like something requiring superhuman strength.

 Here’s the good news: There is superhuman power accessible to help you. Ask God to give you his love for your husband. Ask God to help you see one or two good aspects in your husband you can praise and respect.

 e the one to set a new standard for encouraging words and behavior in your marriage. God will honor your efforts, and your husband’s going to love it!

ANNETTE LAPLACA, a freelance editor and writer, lives in the Chicago area.

Source:  Kyria.com

Nicole might be a great source for such turmoil in a one time solid relationship. Her story sounds like a sad but familiar setting. Five days after their third child was born, Nicole Cleveland found out her husband had an affair and was leaving the family.

Cleveland shares her personal story of raw emotions, tears she cried from not understanding, loneliness she felt because there was no family around and even embarrassment. The author Nicole Cleveland says, “This book is to help couples rebuild love and trust. It’s a process to restoring a marriage, but well worth the effort.”

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Friendship is a wonderful thing. And I was reminded just how special the connection with a friend can be.

Last week I had the distinct pleasure of reconnecting with an old friend. We met for lunch at our favorite sushi restaurant where we could catch up and laughed over sea bass rolls.  Upon arrival, I was greeted with a huge smile accompanied with genuine joy and affection. This exchange was absolutely Priceless! After lunch, I had a smile on my face for the rest of the day. There is nothing like sharing with a real friend.

Although we lost contact and had not seen each other in over a year, it was if we had never skipped a beat. People come and go but real friends remain. A friend to me is someone you can be vulnerable with by sharing your hopes, your dreams and your fears.  Someone who won’t judge you but tells you the truth in love. Someone who challenges you to come up higher. Someone who has your back and has your best interest at heart. Someone who loves you in spite of you. A real friend holds your hand during bad times, celebrates with you in good times and cries with you during sad times.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13, NIV)

So often we are blinded by the day to day cares of life that we forget about those special people in our lives, called friends. We might not talk to them every day but they are there. We might not spend time with them like we use to but they are still there. And when we think that our world has caved in on us and we are all alone they are right there. We all have people who are special to us; but we may have lost contact with them or just don’t have the freedom to spend time with them, as often as we like. However, when its all said and done, they are waiting in the wings with open arms. Ready to just be, your friend.

Take a moment to enjoy and celebrate those special people in your life called friends. Give them a call, share the love. You will be glad that you did.

Much love,

Judi

For more information:

Written by: Judi Mason for www.elev8.com

Contact Judi: judi@divaink.com

Twitter: www.twitter.com/judimason

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